Sex Talk: Why I Frown On Abstinence

Sex Talk: Why I Frown On Abstinence

I can really practice abstinence from sex when I want to, but tweaa; no way! What’s the point? Today’s virgins are hailed as being ‘pure’ when in actual fact they are skilled in doing almost all the naughty aerobatics. Talk of kissing (that can make you cum), oral sex, and many others. So far as the sex organs of the opposite sex don’t collide, they think they’re ‘ok’. Madam and Mr ‘holier than thou’ abeg spare us the double standards. We all know there is a word like intercourse and outercourse; If you don’t know this too, don’t be shy; Google it, no one will catch you.

Related: No sex before marriage destroyed my marriage

I often get this weird look from ladies when I mention I don’t do relationship without sex; especially when the honeypot has been tasted already… If the thing has been eaten by someone, you can’t deny me.

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It’s not that abstinence isn’t sacrosanct; I may be wrong but I have this strong conviction that sexual abstinence in relationships isn’t my thing. I’ll only compromise if the lady in question hasn’t had sex before. Because personally, I find virgins boring. You really have to persuade or lie to her that it’s not gonna hurt: “I’ll enter with just the head”. I personally do not talk women into sex, so if a lady has a mythical notion about sex, I do not want to do anything against their wish. Let them save their virginity for a certain “right” moment or man.

Related: What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me


My No-Sex Days

Now, back to why abstinence isn’t my thing. My submission would have been vague and false if I hadn’t tried abstinence in my previous relationships. I used to be someone who wasn’t so particular about sex. So I didn’t have problems when some exes told me “Kay,   let’s take sex out”. Sometimes, I found their thought pattern very awkward; there are so many “negativities” to subtract from a relationship so why single out sex. Plus this sex thing we are talking about doesn’t go beyond 5 minutes. But herh, I just let it slide.

One of my many bad experiences in relationships was when I met Vanessa. According to her, she had been single for a year before we met. Like my ex Dora, she also gave me the same “my ex hurt me badly” preamble. Right from the moment we started dating, I was clear in my mind I was staying off sex.

Related: Men, Sex And Abstinence

Vanessa told me her ex practically raped her and therefore she has bad memories of sex. She also told me of the severe pains she had each time during sex. Honestly, I didn’t want any of that as my focus was on the relationship. So I told her I’m OK if sex will be a problem. I sometimes asked myself if anything was going to change about this after we marry. I asked her and she told me she hoped things change after we marry.

Seven months into our relationship, I found out she was dating and bonking some guy. Presupposing I was a side dude all this while. Here was I empathizing with a lady who was busily bonking with some other guy.

Related: Being Married Equals Completeness…Such A Fallacy


Who I Became

To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. I was a living dead afterwards; I loved this girl and never for once thought she could play me. My disappointment would have been minimal if we perhaps had had sex. After that bitter lesson, I made a decision not to consider a relationship with any lady who isn’t willing to have sex.

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The Needful

I have seen and heard stories of couples who didn’t have sex before marriage yet their marriages have fallen apart. I have equally heard stories of couples who have had sex, done all the crazy stuff and are still happily married. This should tell you that abstinence isn’t the only thing you should be mindful of. More tips below:

Trust: If you don’t trust your partner then you’re probably not a healthy or stable relationship. You see, trust grows stronger or wanes over time based on what you do or do not do. Build trust and maintain it.

Honesty: Any relationship built on false hope, or lies will only crumble in the end; no matter how much you claim to love the person.

Related: Love or Whatever… My Life Story

Respect: Respect and humility may sound like cliché but are very important. Love is not and shouldn’t be a justification for disrespect or abuse in a relationship.

Communication: Communication is everything in any relationship. It helps to express feelings, intimacy and voice out expectations. Without it, nothing in the relationship will be clear.

Happiness: Though relationships have their sunshine and turbulent moments, make sure the happy times far outweigh the unhappy ones. Personally, make it a habit to create your own happiness; don’t come looking for happiness from your partner.

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Compromise: Relationships at all levels are about giving and taking. If one party only takes without giving, then it won’t last.

Fun: Discuss what you want to do, or where you’d like to go; Make room for humour, and some random fun in your relationship.

Intimacy: Staying together as great roommates don’t necessarily mean you’re a couple. During moments the spark is gone, think of ways to rekindle it.

Related: Heart Matters: To Love Or Not To Love



A lot of people nowadays are giving much focus on sex forgetting about the most important elements that make relationships work. Pay more attention to your attitude, love, being self-sufficiency, and all forms of preparedness; financial, emotional, physical and spiritual preparedness.

Giving your partner a listening ear, and connecting well on all levels are just a few of the factors that make relationships work; in case you haven’t built your relationship on some strong variables, not even your virginity can tie your partner to you.

….. if there’s anything to think of, think on these.

Related: Guy Talk: A Young Man’s Nightmare


Post By Kwame Boakye Yiadom Jnr


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